You Flew So Fast, 2006, by Geoff Heckman

From MemoryArchive

Who: Carter Maxwell Heckman
What: Life Story
When: 2006
Where: Missouri

You Flew So Fast by Geoff Heckman

There is one image that I think will probably be burned into my mind forever. When I choose to call it forward or it sneaks under the shield of my bravery, it brings stinging tears of pain to my eyes and causes my chin to tremble.

Dear Heavenly Father, I can imagine there are some days when Gary and Sarah feel like they can’t even breathe anymore. Please, give them the strength to make it through this day. I ask that You would continue to give them peace and help them to make it through this time. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Ladybug, ladybug, fly far away.

On March 9, 2006 Carter Maxwell Heckman was born. He was the first grandchild – the first male grandchild born into the Heckman family. My brother and his wife were extremely excited to receive the news that they were even expecting a baby. They had been advised that they shouldn’t have children and, I believe, even given the prospective that bearing children wasn’t a possibility. Given this news, they decided to pursue adoption – in the Ukraine. We patiently waited through the months of paperwork, background checks and home inspections. When at last it seemed that the adoption of a little Ukraine child was becoming a possibility, they received news that the Ukraine had decided to shut down outside adoptions. Heartbroken and confused, they carried on – what was the next step? Sarah, my sister-in-law, who had recently “not felt well” was advised by her family to take a pregnancy test. Indeed, she was pregnant. What an answer to prayer for this couple who had so wanted a child and now was given one.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you so much for the gift that you have given Gary and Sarah. We have been praying so patiently that you would open the doors for them so that adoption would be an easy process and when it seemed it would not happen, we were so frustrated. However, Your will is more important than ours and how excited we are that they will actually be able to have a child themselves. Your goodness to us is unending and we are continually blessed by your grace. Thank you for all that you do for us. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

There are wonderful things to see today.

We waited with held breath for the months to pass as Sarah was monitored by doctors and parents to make sure the baby was safe, healthy and facing a future of being spoiled. When at last it was time for this perfect creation, this gift from God to be born, there was heartache once again. While there was a variety of complications and difficulties, the main concern was Carter’s liver. The phrase I continued to hear was “the doctors say his liver is badly damaged”. There were surgeries necessary to allow the liver to function, keep glands active and organs working. A liver transplant loomed in the near future.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you so much for the birth of Carter. I praise You for what has been perfectly made in You. But, God, I don’t believe that you intend for any of us to suffer, so I’m asking that You would bring healing to Carter. I don’t care how You do it, whether you heal him instantly or over time or if You work through the doctors to make him well, but please end this suffering so that Carter can grow up as a healthy little boy. Please continue to be with Gary and Sarah during this time. I know that they have to be struggling both mentally and financially as they go through this process. Thank you for bringing Carter through all the procedures he’s been through already. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Fly over the flowers that smell so sweet.

Over the next several weeks, trips to KU Medical Center and phone chain updates, we prayed and believed for Carter’s health. There were many moments of joy as we were told of the progress Carter had made; being allowed to go home for a few days, moving out from under the jaundice lamp, responding to medications. All was going well.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you so much for everything that You have done for Carter during this time. I ask that You would continue to make him better and watch over him. Please continue to be with Gary and Sarah. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Fly under the leaves that the inchworms eat.

I received a call on May 22, 2006 at work from my sister that told me in a quivery voice that something had happened; we almost lost Carter this morning, all the family is being asked to come to the hospital. With our hearts in our throats and minds racing as to what we would find, my wife and I made a mad dash for KU Medical Center. Both sides of Carter’s family were gathered into a small area waiting to hear any bit of news. Jokes mixed with awkward silences attempted to fill the time. We were informed that Carter had started bleeding internally and the medical staff was doing all that they could to stop it. They couldn’t. He was being transported to Children’s Mercy because they could more effectively deal with the situation.

Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t know what is going on. Everything seemed to be going so well. Please, please just make the bleeding stop. Please let Carter be okay. Please help him! I don’t know the words to say here to make You understand. I don’t know what to say to make You heal him. I just know that You have to make this stop. Please hear me. Help Carter. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Fly through the raindrops that fall from the sky.

We knew that it would probably be a while before Carter got checked in, taken care of and be allowed visitors, so Gary and Sarah went with their precious Carter and the rest of us went for our first meal in hours. It’s never a good feeling when your Dad meets you in the parking lot telling you, “Gary just called and said we needed to get up here.” Hearts in throats again, minds racing again, we wound our way through the maze of Children’s Mercy Hospital to find the top of the Pink Castle Unit. There we were greeted with the news that Carter had a stroke during the transport from KU Medical Center. Surrounded by messages of “Never Give Up Hope” and “Believe” we waited again for bits of news.

Dear Heavenly Father, Please be with Gary and Sarah right now. I know that they have to be hurting. I continue to ask that you heal Carter right now, let the swelling subside, let the doctors be amazed. I’m looking at the signs in this waiting room and they tell me not to give up hope and to believe and that’s what I’m going to do right now. I believe that you can bring Carter through this. Please bring him through this. You are the magnificent healer and the doer of all things. Please touch Carter right now and heal him. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Fly up to the treetops, oh so high.

Gary and Sarah called us all to their room to let us know the news. They basically had been given two options: Stop working on Carter now and they would probably have a few minutes with him before he passed away or keep working on him, but the doctors were sure he would pass unexpectedly in the night. Tears… tears… tears… as if the flow of water from our eyes would surely wash the nightmare away. How could anyone ever make this decision? We waited, the doctors worked. There were signs of improvement and then signs of discouragement. Gary and Sarah made their decision. The doctors called the family to their room. Gary and Sarah wanted time with their precious little boy, free of tubes and machines, not to lose him unexpectedly in the night. Who could blame them? How could you not want time with your son? The doctors left and then came back minutes later to let us know that Carter had passed and then the image that will never leave my mind.

Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you be with Gary and Sarah right now as they are making their decision. I know of all people, You know what they are going through, to have to give up your only son. I can’t imagine the pain they are in. I still ask that You would heal Carter; I know that it’s not too late, that You can… Please be with Gary and Sarah. I know with You by their side, they can’t make the wrong decision. They won’t make the wrong decision; Your plan will be carried out. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Ladybug, ladybug, you flew so fast.

The door was opened to reveal my brother with his wife standing in front of him, his hands holding her shoulders, guiding, comforting, stabilizing her. She was holding Carter wrapped in blankets, in her arms, tears parading down her cheeks. They stepped into the room swollen with heartache; her only words to us were “I loved being a Mom.” There are few moments when you come to realize just exactly how precious life is. This moment is with me forever.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the gift of Carter. I don’t know why You had to take him home to heal him, but I know that You had a perfect purpose for this plan and I am going to have to trust that. Right now our hearts are breaking because Carter is supposed to be with us, but we look forward to the day when we will see him again. Until then, please continue to bring peace to Gary and Sarah. Help them through this time. I know that they will never be able to be okay with this, but I hope that they will be able to find a place of peace and rest in You. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Now you can rest. Home at last.

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