The Biggest Leap I've Ever Done

From MemoryArchive

Who: Audrey Warrington
What: The Biggest Leap I've Ever Done
When: April 2005
Where: Mount Horeb

Everyone has something that makes them who they are, something that gives them reason and inspiration. Ballet dancing has always been my motivation in life, and it is who I am…it’s all that I am. I started dancing at the age of three, loving it from the very first lesson. I loved it so much when I was little that a few times, I didn’t even want to stop to go to the bathroom, so I would pee when I was dancing! That was when I was much younger, but for some reason, it seemed more logical to keep dancing. I kept dancing all through elementary and middle school, doing a mixture of ballet, tap, jazz, and pointe. I was on a competitive Junior Company during that time too.

When I entered high school, I joined Senior Company and my whole life of dancing just blossomed. I had participated in Madison Ballet’s The Nutcracker for several years by now and was continuing to do so. The summer before my freshmen year, I heard that Madison Ballet was opening a pre-professional dance academy. The Studio Company they were putting together was going to be 30 dancers who made up The Overture Center’s resident ballet company. Although I was feeling quite apprehensive, I decided to audition. I don’t think I have ever been so nervous in my life. Over 250 people tried out, so I was a little intimidated when I got there, knowing only 30 would make the cut. I just hate those auditions more than anything else. You have to wear a number like cattle and you can only wear a black leotard and tights. That’s it. And the hair. It has to be nastily pulled back like a man so you have no femininity at all…not that I wasn’t used to that for dance, but God knows the day of auditions, you never can have a good hair day. One week later, I got a letter in the mail congratulating me on getting in to the company. I was one of the 30! That’s when it truly hit me. I was a becoming pre-professional ballerina. I was living my dream. My only dream.

Since I realized what I could do, I decided to audition as a soloist. I passed and performed my first solo to Martina McBride’s “In My Daughter’s Eyes”…just me. Although I could critique it for hours, it was a beautiful and momentous moment in my life. I even brought my dad to absolute tears. Heart. I did a few solos for next couple of years. My next significant solo was to The Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”. It was much better and much more complex than any I’ve done before. It was so passionate and just hearing the song now makes me throw my body around like that. It was a light rock song with a very short, dark red and purple velvet dress and pointe shoes. I liked that combination so much because it’s incredibly unusual to do. I was so proud and excited to finally perform it!

A few weeks before performing my best piece of work, I was rehearsing my guts out. One late night after hours of classes I went in for my solo’s private lesson. I was going through the whole dance beautifully and confidently. It was near perfection. It was performable. I went into my difficult leaping combination skillfully, but when I got to my 180° switch leap, there was a loud pop. It was the biggest leap I’ve ever done… an oversplit. I watched it in the mirror and my only reaction was, “Woah”. It couldn’t have been real.

I remembered then that I had fractured my hip there a few years ago, but it was no big deal. Why would it be making a noise? I fell to the ground. I stood up, but I couldn’t walk. I had broken my hip. We did everything we could to make me better by my shows, but with only a few weeks, it was impossible. Who knew that the biggest leap I’ve ever done would be my last? I went to the shows with my parents because they’d already gotten tickets. My dad bought bouquets for me like he usually does. He said I worked just as hard as the people on the stage and I deserved them. When I leaped, I also tore half the hamstring off of the bone. The bone grew back around the most significant nerve in my leg, causing numbness. I never danced again. It has been over a year now. I am still in physical therapy and we’re still working on sitting. I’ve realized that I am going to live with the pain, numbness, and side-effect-filled medication for the rest of my life. I’m okay with that now. But the thing that I am not okay with…I never got to do that dance. Or any of the other six ones I was planning on dancing during those shows. I have all of the unused costumes sitting in my closet. Even now, I try those glitzy costumes on once in a while, imagining how proud I would have been.