Stuffing Bras, 7th grade, 1997, by Erika

From MemoryArchive

Who: Erika 
What: Stuffing Bras
When: 7th Grade (1997)
Where: A school dance

Confessions of a Boobless 7th grader at a 7th grade Dance

Puberty was one of those ridiculously terrible experiences that everyone goes through –some more gracefully than others. In the seventh grade I was 5’8”, about 120 pounds, braces, short straight thick bangs that came about inch above my eyebrows. The rest of my hair was permed with bleached streaks that turned orange because my hair is naturally so dark.

I’m coming clean. I was that skinny awkward giant that hung out with that girl you wish you were, or that girl you had a crush on. In my seventh grade class her name was Adrienne, and she still has a killer body, but back in the 7th grade she had something most of us didn’t have –boobs.

7th grade boys love boobs, and I just didn’t have them. I was a stick. No hips. Didn’t need to wear a bra. It was horrible. I used to cry to my mom about how much I looked like a boy. She told me that the boys would catch up eventually, and that it’s better to have small boobs anyway because clothing will fit you better, exercising was easier, blah, blah, blah. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to get my first kiss with the body of a seven year old. At the time I remember bursting into tears, rolling my eyes, and screaming “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!“ in her face.

My saving grace, and the reason Adrienne kept me around as a friend, was that I was fairly outgoing with an older brother. Adrienne was also outgoing but she had seven sisters, and when it came right down to it, I was good at talking to boys, and she wasn’t. But I also wasn’t competition… or so she thought.

With her curves, Adrienne had already secured her first kiss with Dan Lucey in sixth grade. I had a crush on Dan Lucey too, but I kept telling Adrienne that I didn’t because I wanted to be a good friend. Dan Lucey was also about a foot shorter than me, but back in 6th grade there wasn’t a large pool of tall guys.

By the time 7th grade rolled around, Adrienne and Dan had “broken up” because she wanted to move on to bigger and better things –Scott. From the first time I saw him, I knew that he needed to be my boyfriend. He could have been ugly, smelly, and a jerk, but none of that would have mattered. Scott was 5’9”. He was taller than me. I instantly fell in love. This boy needed to be my boyfriend.

I had a plan.

I befriended Scott’s best friend, Ricky, who was that smelly kid who looked like he never showered. Ricky and I became pretty close and I confided in him that I really thought Scott was cute. Ricky said he’d put in a good word for me, but he was pretty sure that Scott liked Adrienne. I was bummed out, but not discouraged. So I did what any self-respecting 7th grade girl does when her crush likes her friend -I stuffed my bra.

At first I used a mix of ankle socks and tissues with a bra that I stole from my mom, but my “boobs” were rock hard and lumpy, so I switched to those massive 80s triangle shoulder pads. I even wore them under a sports bra when I did track so there wasn’t a disparity between my boobs between school and practice (Even though when I ran they didn’t move at all… my friend Sarah commented on that once, but I just told her it was just a really good sports bra.)

To cover my bases, because I noticed that Scott was talking to the new girl, Eileen Morrison, I started a rumor that Eileen stuffed her bra. Adrienne and I even started a “I hate Eileen” club. We gave everyone membership cards, even Scott. By the end of her first month of school, Eileen’s reputation had been too tarnished to be bothered with. (Years later Eileen and I would become very close friends, and I would apologize profusely for those nasty rumors).

There is usually a big Holiday 7th and 8th grade dance at my middle school and it was the place to be. Although I fully intended on going, I kept telling people that I didn’t know if I really wanted to go. In seventh grade it is cool to be “so above this stupid dance”.

So I went, my boobs padded beyond belief, and I walked right up to Scott and asked him where Ricky was. Honestly I didn’t care where Ricky was. I just wanted to let Scott know that I had arrived and that my boobs where most decidedly huge. I eventually found Ricky and asked him who Scott was going to ask for the first slow dance.

So a little while into the dance the DJ puts on a slow song. Half the girls run to the bathroom –not because they don’t want any guys to ask them, but because they are afraid of not getting asked. But I play it cool and walk over to Adrienne. Then Scott comes up to us and asks me to dance, and Adrienne was fuming.

There have been few times in my life that I’ve been that nervous. My arms were fully extended with my hand clasped around his neck, and his hands were awkwardly placed on my non-existing hips. I was sweating profusely and avoiding eye-contact at all cost. I didn’t know what to say so I was deathly quiet –wishing, hoping, and praying for the stupid song to be over. Endlessly it was and I literally ran back to Adrienne who also was just running away from her partner. Together we went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my face was literally dripping with sweat and my bangs were stuck to my forehead. Also, my shoulder pad boob was partially sticking out from the neckline of my shirt. I was mortified.

I hid in the bathroom for the next two slow songs –too terrified to go out and find out if Scott had noticed anything. The dance ended at 9 and a little bit before that Adrienne came back into the bathroom, and told me that Scott had been looking for me. It was 9 o’clock, and I was forced to leave the bathroom. Ricky came right up to me and asked if I liked Scott, and I said I did. Then Ricky blatantly walked up to Scott and asked him if he like me. He said he did. Then Ricky threw his arms up in the air and declared us “going out”.

Scott apparently hadn’t noticed, and all the drama of that night faded away. I was so proud of myself. Scott and I dated for the next four months, and he was my first kiss. I will always remember him, and this story –however embarrassing it is to tell. It’s one of those crazy things people do during puberty, and I’m positive Scott wouldn’t have been my first boyfriend had I not stuffed my bra.