My Darkest Fear, 2007, by Anonymous

From MemoryArchive

Who: Anonymous
What: Nightmare of darkest fear
When: 2007 to the present
Where: Midwest

I am a person, and I am in love with a girl. It isn't a crush or a state of mind such as limerence. This is real.

I've been having nightmares about it once in a while.

I'm in my old elementary school yard. Everyone in school is there, during a recess period, doing their usual grind. I am standing in the middle of the field, with some of my friends. I wander off towards the basketball court. Then, I see the girl I love going up to my best friend and kissing him. Then, there is a short exchange of dialog between them. I can't hear from the distance, but I have a feeling what it is. They are talking about their love for each other...

Then, I remember all the good times I've had with both of them. These are based on my real memories. I see all the happiness and laughter we've shared with each other. My heart begins to sink...

I start to feel a growing pain in my chest and stomach. My mind feels weak, as if all my accomplishments were useless. My body feels weak as well. My vision starts to blur. I realize I can't speak. My legs start to buckle, and I fall down. However, no one notices. It's as if I'm not there. And then, I can clearly see myself on the ground, lying there. Unmoving. Across me is my best friend and the love of my life.

Then I wake up, lying down, in my bed. I always seem to wake with a cold sweat and a little trouble breathing. I have to convince myself it's not real every time...