My Brother and Me, 2006, by Kailey Clawson

From MemoryArchive

Who:  Kailey Clawson
What: Tying the Loose Ends
When: recently

Tying the Loose Ends

We had an unpredictable liking for one another. Some days would consist of repulsive and hostile words said, screamed, or silently thought of towards the other. Other days, the conversations or small talk would be at ease. The dinner table exchange would usually begin the battle for tomorrow and the days to come. This lays the foundation of our relationship.

He was born May 3, 1986 to Dave and Nancy Clawson. “Mrs. Clawson had a baby girl!” was written on the black board with white chalk in her classroom. On Tuesday, November 8, 1988, I was born. The three-year gap between us might seem minor and insignificant for some, but for us, it was an unpaved road.

The first six years of my life with my brother was bearable. He joined the swim team. I joined the swim team. He played tee-ball. I played tee-ball. He participated in YMCA youth league soccer. I participated in YMCA youth league soccer. He had a birthday. I had a birthday. He launched his music interest by taking piano lessons from Susan See. I started taking piano lessons from Susan See. A pattern was set.

Throughout my early toddler times and elementary years, it never phased me that him and I were involved in the same activities. Both of us sustained our competitive drive towards our interests, which happened to be the same. Dreamless nights and unsteady rests with the floating thoughts that I was following him filled my immature mind. He was the leader. I was not.

I maintained that state of mind and theory for quite some time. Junior high approached, then high school followed. First basketball, then track, and finally golf. Speech team attracted us both, but I wanted to be the example for once. I’m tired, I’m done, and I’m well worn-out. I am not going to be the duplicate of him I said to myself.

Ultimately, I branched out and tried new things. I joined different groups and clubs and I eventually gave up golf. By now my brother is out of the house and in college. Things have panned out and cooled off between us since he has left. We both grew up and accepted our differences.

I look back and recall all those thoughts of feeling lost and unoriginal. At the time, I felt that he wasn’t there to help and guide me, but now I see that his guidance was for my advantage. I can proudly say that I love my brother even though we have our noticeable differences. We believe and support each other. That’s what brother and sisters are for.