I'm Jill and I'm an Alcoholic, 1990s-2000s, by Jill

From MemoryArchive

Who: Jill
What: Recovery from Alcoholism
When: 1990s-2000s
Where: Australia

I'm Jill, I'm an Alcoholic

I started drinking at a young age everyone in my family drank and I seemed to like the affects. I had black outs and got my life in all sorts of problems. I worked in Hotels serving Alcohol and drank top shelf liquor behind the bar. I met lots of people and seemed to drift from here to there always feeling alone. I felt hollow but thought that is how everyone feels. I met my partner and we drank and had parties. He worked on a Prawn Trawler and he had lots of friends who worked out at see. One night while drinking with my man, I decided we should go to the Prawn Trawler and spend a romantic night. I was very drunk. We had a friend who too had a lot to drink I had a baby girl my daughter . I left a note for my friend to look after my daughter. We then got in the car and drove 7km to the Ships. I dont remember driving to the trawlers I vaguely remember slipping as I crossed the deep water. Next morning our friend woke me up at 11am shaking me saying I can't find your baby. Stunned I tried to Think. My mind would not work. I remembered slipping Had I Dropped My baby over the side. For the next hour I was in shock, fear , paralized. Had I drowned my baby. Had this Alcohol made me drown my baby. Suddenly my memory came back to me I had left her at the Baby sitter the day before.

I never took a drink since that day. Then my obsession with my partner came I wanted more than anything to stop him drinking. He could not see what it was doing to him. I could not stop trying to save him. This lead me to Suicidal thoughts Maybe then he would see. I did have a brother who suicided some 20 years earler.

I joined a political group and met a lady there, she was charming and stood out from the croud. I noticed her beautiful Gold necklace with a circle and triangle I asked her what it represented. She told me she is a sober Alcoholic. WOW!!! A Sober Alcoholic I had never heard of a sober Alcoholic. I told her all my problems I was having in my life with my partner and with my health. She Said You need to go to Alanon or you will get sicker and sicker. I did not go to Alanon. What could that do for me.

Eventually after she said she was sick of hearing my stories and problems and seeing I was not doing any thing about myself she left me alone with all my problems. Then I reached out to Spirital Doors of Alanon. It has been 8 years since I started my journey in Alanon and I am growing one day at a time.

I gave up drinking many years ago, Drinking cost me my memory, not my daughters life. But Alcohol is that powerful it could have killed me eventually. I think my Higher Power knew I would die or kill someone or myself. I was guided to Alanon looking back HP has always been with me. My Alcoholic Partner is still with me and still out there at times I love him and hate the disease. It took a lot for me and many meetings in Alanon and Weekends with AAs to see I to am a Sober Alcoholic thanks to my HP and 12 steps. Thanks All in the fellowship.

Republished with permission from Serendity Found, where you will find more information on recovery.

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