Drinking and Driving, 1978, by Anonymous

From MemoryArchive

Who: Anon
What: Getting busted for drinking and driving, almost
When: 1978
Where: Midwest

[Note to the reader. This story is not meant to condone or romanticize drinking and driving. Driving under the influence is stupid. And so were we...]

My high school buddies and I were cruising around one evening, drinking beer. In the late 1970s in my Midwestern town drinking and driving was entertainment. Pretty much everybody did it, at least everyone I knew. I can still remember my mom making people “one for the road” and then complaining that her friends stole her glasses.

Anyway, on this particular evening, we were drinking Lucky Lager, or some similar cheap swill (Luckys, if I recall, had riddles in the caps—but that has nothing to do with this story). After a bit of driving around looking for, well, whatever we were looking for, we decided to stop in the parking lot a large mall. Why we wanted to stop, I don’t know, but it might have had something to do with pissing, as one needs to piss when drinking beer, and you can’t (or shouldn’t) piss in the car.

In any event, we were just pulling over when a police cruiser pulled up beside us. We were of course scarred shitless by the sudden appearance of the cops, but tried to act cool. We stopped. The officer came to the window. And we began a short conversation, to wit:

“Anything wrong, officer?”

“What are you boys up to?”

“Just drivin’ around, officer.”

“You haven’t been drinkin’, have you?”

“No, officer, we haven’t.”

“Then why do you have all that beer in the car?”

“Oh, um, that, well, we….”

“Get out of the vehicle.”

“Yes, sir.”

So we climbed out of the crappy Chevy I then drove and stood by the side of the car. The officer then pulled all of the beer out of the car and placed it on the hood. I remember there being something under a case, as the night was young. He then spoke, as follows:

“Now, boys, you know drinkin’ and drivin’ is against the law, and I want you to stay out of trouble. So pour that beer out right now. Go ahead, crack everyone of them beers and pour ‘em out.”

We did. Then the officers let us go. That was it. It was a different age.