Christmas Pageant, December 1992, by Beth Sullins

From MemoryArchive

Who: Beth Sullins
What: The Annual Christmas Pagent
When: December, 1992
Where: Our Lady of the Rosary, Boise, Idaho, USA

1992, in my life was the year of the Catholic Church. I was never a very religious person. At the age of eight, I was already a budding atheist. I wasn’t sure I wanted to receive my first communion, but my parents encouraged me to give it a shot. Retrospectively, I am pretty sure the only reason I was encouraged to attend church was that my Grandmother would have frowned upon my mother more so than if she hadn’t encouraged me to attend church, and my older sister was down with Jesus and my parents didn’t want to have to make two trips home from Our Lady of the Rosary Catholic Church.

MaryAnn Jonas was my Sunday School teacher. She had two major undertakings that year, the first was to prepare my cohort for their first communion, and the second was to make sure we were ready to perform the Christmas pageant. The Christmas pageant was a much bigger deal to me, it was my first chance to shine as an actress.

I don’t know if MaryAnn Jonas will ever read this, but if she does, I would like her to know that I am very sorry for causing her life so much hardship. Trying to teach children the nature and importance the birth of Jesus is not an easy process at all, and my smart ass self didn’t make it any easier.

A typical class session looked something like this: MaryAnn: “Who can tell me the story of Jonah and the Whale.” Me: “Not me!” MaryAnn: “Anyone?” Me: “I’ll give you a clue, class, it had Jesus in it!” MaryAnn: “No, it didn’t.” I figured out very quickly with MaryAnn that as long as I didn’t swear, she wouldn’t kick me out of the classroom. On days that Kelly, my secret crush didn’t come to class, I would swear up a storm in the first five minutes, so I didn’t have to sit through what, without Kelly, was an agonizing hour. I don’t know if MaryAnn ever figured out that I was more interested in eye candy than I was in eternal salvation, but if she did, she never outted my crush to the classroom, which I respect her immensely for.

When it came November, and it was time to perform the Christmas play, which goes through the story of the three Wise Men and how they came to Bethlehem to find Jesus in a manager. This was the perfect opportunity for MaryAnn. She had the great opportunity to make me a rock, and force me to stay silent throughout the pageant. Her youngest daughter, Courtney, was in the same class as I was, so she was pretty much a shoe-in to play the only female part, Mary. I assumed the situation was hopeless. The only chance, I thought, was to play the role of a goat or sheep so I could bah and neigh wildly throughout the birth of the Christian lord and savior. The Sunday after Thanksgiving in 1992 was the day the roles were to be cast. I arrived that day in a near panic over what my first role would ever be as an actress. In church beforehand, during confession, which was one-on-one time with God, that I was to be anything but a rock. I didn’t ask for it, I demanded it.

God was apparently taking orders that day, because I wasn’t a rock, I wasn’t even an animal, heck, I was a human being. I was cast as the role of Balthazar, the third Wise Man. I was so excited, that I actually got to be a human, that I was quiet in class that day. When I saw my father after class that day, I ran towards him, screaming “Balthazar!” at the top of my lungs. I began waving the script wildly in his face. He couldn’t figure out what was going on until my sister explained to him that Balthazar was the bringer of frankincense to Jesus, and I must be playing him in the pageant. My mother was pleased. My costume would only require a sheet, a stick and a pillow case. I convinced her to allow me to paint on a beard so I could look more masculine and “Sheppardly.”

When it came time to perform the Christmas Play, I was as ready as I have ever been for anything. I knew my lines, I knew my blocking, and I knew that I had sufficiently convinced everyone in the class that if they messed up, God would be watching them, and hate them forever for ruining his son’s birthday.

I was prepared for everything but being on stage alone. There is a point in the play in which Balthazar’s brother leave the stage to go see Jesus, and leave Balthazar to tend to the sheep. When I realized I was on the stage alone, I completely froze. Kelly had to shot my lines from off stage as if I was saying them. The audience was polite enough not to laugh, and I walked off stage as if nothing had happened, after finishing my last lines, when it was my cue to go. Now some people, when they mess up cry, some sulk, me, I throw up. I threw up over the dressing room for the alter boys. I walked out, closed the door, and went back to the area where my peers were waiting to get on stage. No one, until this day, was ever the wiser.

I have to give it to myself, I’m a real trooper. I marched onto the stage, feeling terrible, but wanting to finish my performance. And finish I did. I met Jesus Christ with a smile on my face.