A Letter from Smash Jackson, 2007, by Marshall Poe
From MemoryArchive
Who: Marshall Poe What: An Entertaining Letter from Smash Jackson When: January 25, 2007 Where: From Washington, DC, to Ann Arbor, MI
This is a letter--an email, actually--I rec'd from a good friend in Washington, DC who sometimes goes by the name "Smash Jackson." Smash is something of a wordsmith, and I cherish all of his correspondence. I thought it only appropriate that I memorialize our exchange on this, a memory site. I trust you will find the letter entertaining. Smash, by the way, has been reading about Peter the Great and believes, as you will read, that yours truly is a direct descendant of Peter (aka "Peter Valiki"). Enjoy.
An open letter to ALL direct descendants of Peter Valiki---------
Dear direct descendant of Pete Valiki:
YOU, Count Tilbrook Muckel Poemanov, You, Count Poemanov, are Number 487 1/2. Yes!!!!!!! Why are you a 1/2 descendant? BECAUSE----------Your great great great great great great great grandfather was a Granny ~Lush!!!!!!! They had seventeen children of which only a set of identical twins survived ----unfortunately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were Bloopsky and Kloopsky Poemanolvb. They were unbearable obnoxious shity little bastards. Even their maternal grandmother could NOT stand the sight of them. When Paw wanted to send them to granny's he called them via his primitive phone system. This consisted of two tin cans each with a hole in the bottom through which ordinry string was passed from one can to another even though the distance was one thousand miles away. When Paw called granny said OK. BUT when these little bastareds arrived, Granny had allready left for Vladivostock, theree thkousand miles away!!!!!!! The last time there, finding no one at home, Bloopsky aqnd Kloopsky decided to entertain themselves. They truly HATED each other. Sooooooooo they decided to play ---what else???????--- Russian roulette. AS they truly hated each other, Kloopsky asked a neighbor to "load it up", AND he did!!!!!!! As Bloopsskjy HATED Kloopsky hated Kloopsky the more, Bloopsky drew first. BANG!!!!!!! No more KLOOPSKY!!!!!!!!! YOU, COUNT POEMANOV, ARE A DIRECT DESCENDANT of BLOOPSKY!!!!!!!! Beware, Count Poemanov!!!!!!!!! All this heritage endangers you. So that your murder does NOT happen, Count. I, GREAT SOUL that I am, will wage a war on the citizens of Lawrence Street and proudly install YOU as permanent KING of Lawrence STREET and then, count Poemanov, we shall conquer allllllllllll of Michigan and I, Count Poemanov, will be your Prime Minister. AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY. YOUR Head Executioner. I shall call you tonight, Count, to tell you what I have read in Pete's bio and you will LOVE, ADORE and CHERISH my suggestions and plans. Until tonight, Count Tilbrook Muckle Poemanov, I salute your future and congradulate YOU on having and knowing such a great and loyal dedicated obsequious and fanatical servant. I salute you for now and forever, Count Tilbrook Muckle Poemanov.
As Ever, Smash Jackson
